Don't tell me I can't....

Vivid Dream

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:57:21 GMT

So, last night I had a very vivid dream and it has been bothering me all day.

Eastern became a 100% commuter school and the dorms were no longer in existence. Which, meant that I was no longer an RA for the school year, and I was HAPPY about it, extremely excited.

Not only was I happy about not being a RA, but I also found another job that I absolutely loved, and gave me a large amount of flexibility.

I guess I'm just bothered by the fact that I'm having dreams about being an RA and they are all pointing in the direction of turning it down.

I usually follow my life with- what happens happens, and if I get something I'm supposed to, but for some reason, I think maybe I should turn down being an RA.

I don't know.

just breathe....

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:35:32 GMT

I feel I must vent for two reasons:

1) I'm clearly upset and really don't want to talk to any one person.
2) I'm bored at work......

First, I am incredibly annoyed with being told I am wrong all the time. I am incredibly annoyed with the fact that no matter what I say, do, or even consider doing...it is wrong in your eyes. I am constantly corrected by you, and I kind of want to punch you in the face. Childish, yes, but I am ME...not you. Just because it is wrong in your eyes...does not mean it is wrong in mine. I hate the fact that I conformed to you, which yes, is my own fault, I'm working on that part. But, I find it hard to converse with you without wanting to run into my room crying.

Second, I am so confused on what to do for next year it's not even funny. I don't know where I am going to live. Kind of a big deal. I also have no idea what the hell I am doing with my life. I know, I know, big shocker, I mean i couldn't have a more pointless major, but I love it. I just don't want to end up...when I say like my mom...I only mean that financially.

Next, as much as I absolutely LOVE sorority...some people really make me angry. Do you have no tact? You clearly invite people out, right in front of me, look at me, and then look away. How rude are you? I understand you don't like me, and frankly I not a huge fan of you, but geez, is it that hard to have common decency for another person?

O, and another thing. You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever met in my life. You pretend to stand for honesty, trust, and friendship when you turn on other people the second you can. You blame others for not seeing the things you do, you get angry, yet never explain yourself, yet it comes out in the end that you felt that way all along? I'm sorry, but how about you grow up? Realize that you need to stop blaming others, and quit making excuses for the hypocritical things you do, and admit and accept it.

I think I may be done now.

Thank you for reading.

well that's my family for you...

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 01:41:23 GMT

at the moment, my mother is showing samantha pictures of all her ex-boyfriends...and she has to hold her hand over parts of the pictures.

o what the fuck?

Random

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:49:01 GMT

I am in love with life.

always bites you in the ass....

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 20:51:22 GMT

I missed a lot and there are things I really need to know about?!Q?!!??!!??!?!?!!?

Fuck.

This can't be good.

Fuck.

take your time....

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 20:00:44 GMT

My weekend was quite interesting.

Friday-rented movies with Emily and Emma. Most of them not my style...I tried...o well.
Had a long chat with Emily about a bunch of different things.
Decided to go for a drive at 2 a.m.
Ended up in Ohio.
At the Waffle House in Bowling Green.
It was fabulous.
I'm in love.

Saturday-had lunch with Sean.
Watched Michigan lose. :(
Played poker.
Watched Ohio State lose. :) :) :)
Went to Amanda's party.
Ben was there.

Sunday- slept in until 1
went to the student center for lunch and to write my paper.
Had a bunch of meetings.
Laughed a lot with Amanda.
we have a thing for bathrooms....
Had another really long chat with Emily last night.
Decided that I do not mix with everyone I know. I mean I do, but I really Really don't.

o, and i decided i'm going to live in ohio at one point. I know...

I have to wear all white. Not excited.

Some interviews coming up.

O boy.

<3

soon.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 03:41:54 GMT

looked at flight prices today.

as soon as that passport comes in.

it's not a contest....

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 13:32:29 GMT

but why am I always second?

i guess a better word would be an alternative. never the first thought.

eastern hates me.

first they "fire" me instead of giving me my raise. then financial aid tells me i owe them a whole ton of money that i don't, and now my french and spanish classes conflict in the winter semester. woot.

upside:

my birthday is next week!

happy birthday to my brother...whose now 4...and DAS....enjoy.

Here's what I've come up with....

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:18:06 GMT

I've really been thinking a lot the past few days...and here's what I've come up with.

-I hate always being in an "ugh/eh" sort of mood. Yes, shit happens. Yes, it is always something new, everyday, and it never seems to end. But, things could be worse, and I will appreciate the good I do have. Sitting in my room for 3 hours wondering if my cousin was dead or alive really made me realize that certain things just don't matter as much as I make them.
-As much as I love all of my friends, I know that they cannot be mixed together. From now on, that is not my problem. I hate having to watch what I do, say, invite, or mention because of the people I'm with. Sorry, deal with it I guess.
-Classes are going really, really, well. I love what I'm doing, and I think I'm finally starting to get the gist of things.
-You have not changed. You come and go as you please. You hurt me every time, and yet continue to do it to me. I've allowed it thus far because I care about you, you clearly do not return those sentiments. Nothing you can say will change how you really are, and I need to accept that. This is over.
-I am in love with my roommates. They are the best girls I have ever met in my life, and I would be lost without them. One of the best decisions I have ever made was to switch my living situation and live with them.
-Next summer is France. Damn, I can't wait.
-Bid day is tomorrow.
-I really, really love fire-tip roses.
-My birthday is soon!
-Mom says shes getting me Michigan v. Ohio State tickets as a present....yea she rocks.

good start. i think.

never fails....

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 13:24:37 GMT

you came back. again.

i can handle it. you never change.

it still makes me wonder.

it still throws me in a whirlwind.

damnit.

why can't we just let each other go?

Stole from Danielle....

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 04:11:21 GMT

You Should Play the Accordion

You are eccentric, funky, wacky... definitely one of a kind.
People have trouble putting you in any one particular category. You definitely have your own thing going on.

You are a born entertainer. No wonder you'd be perfect as an one man (or one woman) band.
Your musical influences likely cross all genres - and blend together in a very unusual way.

While you are definitely offbeat, you also enjoy tradition and influences from the past.
It's just your style to take an old fashioned instrument like the accordion and make it uniquely yours.

Your dominant personality characteristic: your total inhibition

Your secondary personality characteristic: your interest in obscure activities and subjects

What Musical Instrument Should You Play?

I don't know if I agree with that.....

emma: "I'm a princess...."

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 18:17:21 GMT

I'm tied for....Belle, Jasmin, and Snow White...

I figured a few of you would enjoy this.... :)

Cinderella;
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[x ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[x ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[ ] Your mom is really strict
[] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[ ] You're afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[x] You have left your shoes at a friend's house before
[] You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 4

Belle;
[x] You've fallen in love with someone your friends didn't like
[ ] You've been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[x] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird
[x] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[x] You love to take care of people in need
[] You've had guys like you only because they think you're pretty
[x] You've rejected at least one person when they've asked you out
TOTAL: 8

Jasmine;
[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[x] You are very clever
[x] You've fallen in love with someone way different from you
[x]You're unique and different from everyone else
[x] You'd never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ] You don't have a lot of friends
[x] You're independent
[x] You have a nice house
[x ] Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 8

Ariel;
[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[x] You really try to follow the rules, but it's hard for you
[x] You're a bit of a trouble maker
[ ] You're the youngest in your family
[] You have a lot of sisters
[x] You collect something
[] You have long, red hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You're extremely curious
[x] You believe everything people tell you/you're a bit gullible
TOTAL: 7

Snow White;
[x] You know that you're somewhat beautiful
[x] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[] You've almost been killed
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[x] You've had food poisoning
[x ] You have short brown hair
[] You get along with everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[x] You're happier when you're out of the house than in
TOTAL: 8

Mulan;
[ ] You're a tomboy
[ ] Everyone wishes you could be a bit more girly
[x] You've pretended to be someone you're not
[] You've had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/have considered running away from home
[x ] Your parents try to plan your life out
[] Most of your friends are boys
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[x] You love your family so much that you'd do anything to protect them
[x] You are proud that you're different (sometimes)
[ ] You're asian.
TOTAL: 6

Aurora (Sleeping Beauty);
[ x] You live with someone other than your parents
[] You were almost killed at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[] You have a beautiful voice
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You're adopted
[x] You have long hair
[x] You're very romantic
[x] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL: 6

Pocahontas;
[x] You love to walk around and explore your city
[] You are more spiritual than religious
[] You've been in an interracial relationship
[ ] One of your siblings are dead
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[x] Someone you know has been in war
[x] You love nature
[x] You have black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[x] You're very adventurous
TOTAL:7

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:03:21 GMT

Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.

how could this happen?

?!?!?!?!?!?

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 14:43:44 GMT

I thought it was okay.
It's not.

I'm more confused than before.
Shit.

Mine isn't as cool as Danielle's......

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 13:20:46 GMT

but...

Happy Birthday Emma!!!!

knotch in your bedpost.....

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 15:11:47 GMT

Even if you didn't learn a damn thing from the mistake...I did. Sadly, in a different way....I would do it again. I want to be something special enough for you to change, I want to be what opens your eyes, I want to hear, "you are the best thing that's ever happened to me". Not just "you" in specifics...in general. I have a thing for cocky, arrogant, cute, fix-its. Worst downfall ever.

I LOVE MY ROOMMATES!!! All ten million of them! I love being up until 3 talking. I love stalking the night guards. I love dancing to random songs in front of the window at 2 a.m. I love having someone there.

I'm keeping quiet. My voice...no longer heard. Too complicated.

I dropped the Independent Learning class. I can't do it all. But, I know that if I had to I would, but I don't, so I won't.

I'm excited to start my new minor. Even though I can't start until winter...maybe even next fall because of French and Spanish.

Insert foot...into mouth. Crosby, Crosby...really? Cosby, Cosby?...yes I'm retarded. I didn't know you liked Linkin Park...this is Incubus...that's so what I meant. I swear.

<3.

I love my purple and black hair. It's spunky and funky and everything in unky.

it's sure to fade away....

I am Superwoman.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 18:55:47 GMT

Don't tell me I can't because I will.
Yes, I have limits, but I push them, and always make them stretch farther.
I realize I can't fix, solve, do everything, but damnit I'm going to try.
I can do this.
But I can also make mature decisions.
I will succeed.
I will do what I want.
You cannot rip me down.

On a sad note....some of my friends are extremely hurt at the moment. I only hope that they realize they don't deserve what happened, and that they are strong enough to move on, and not let someone else cripple their spirit, intelligence, or smile.

On a much happier note...It is Emily Siener's Birthday!!!!!!!! I hope she has the best birthday, because damn, she deserves it more than anyone I know. And of course, I love her dearly. <3

Classes are making me crazy, but, I will succeed, I will become fluent, and I will get an A.

Work is amazing. I love my job. And today, I realized..no, I don't make the best money, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love the people I work with, I love what my job represents and what it does, and I love that my co-workers notice that I am important to the office, even if I am just a student worker. It also helps that I just got a raise, and that they are putting me on the website!

I get my hair dyed deep purple tomorrow, with some other funky stuff. Should be interesting. <3

All in all.....I hope everyone knows it can only get better from here and I love. my. friends.

Please....

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 02:23:00 GMT

The farther away the better. At least this way only your memories can sting but your words can't be heard.

Welcome.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:51:31 GMT

I lied. I was wrong. I'm not okay with how things are. They have to change. Relationships are about to be tested. I'm sorry in advance.

Realization....

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 19:07:33 GMT

I may not have the relationship you have, but you could never have the type of relationship I have.

....and I'm okay with that.

it's a bittersweet symphony....

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 01:35:09 GMT

I was wrong.

Again.

Confused...I think?

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 19:43:09 GMT

It's weird. Things have actually been okay lately, but everything is still going wrong. Is that how things are supposed to be? I mean I know things aren't perfect all the time and all at once, but can things actually be okay when everything around is falling apart? Hence...why I'm confused...at least I think I am...I think?

On another note...what is it with Fraser and people's houses getting broken into and robbed. My house was broken into twice, and my grandma's was broken into and robbed????

I got my New fall room assignment. I am soooo unbelievably excited to be living with Emma and Emily. I realize I hurt a few people by making this decision, but I realized I was doing what I was doing to keep everyone else happy, at my own expense. Besides, I think it will be for the best.

I guess all I have to look forward to is Europe next summer....woot!!!!

I think I'm going to the Projekt Revolution concert....Linkin Park, Taking Back Sunday, and My Chemical Romance are headlining among nine other bands...basically kick ass.

Incubus rocked. That whole weekend ruled.

Hope everyone is happy!

Who Knows?

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 20:11:47 GMT

So many different things have been going on lately I can't decide where I stand.

I have changed so much in this past year, I think mostly for the good, some bad, and I like the person I've become.

I hate going back to Fraser. It reminds me of the horrible person I used to be; and I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt, even though a lot of people don't read this.

Life right now is pretty mellow.

I've learned to let the small stuff go, and only worry about the important things in life. The things that will actually matter years from now, instead of weeks.

Being at Jeremy's wedding in Canada over the weekend was quite the eye-opening experience.

It's surprising, the things that used to matter.

If someone would have told me over a year ago that today my life would be the way that it is, I would've died laughing for days.

I'm still loud, obnoxious, argue about everything and out-going. But, I'm completly random, I never finish a complete thought, and I don't hold anything back. Funny how you might think I never did.

I have no idea what the point of this post was? Boredom at work? Avoiding homework?

I'm going to Ohio to see a friend and take another to the INCUBUS concert!!! Fuck yes!!! Funny how I used to hate that band, then again I did it out of spite.

I might be going to California for a few days!!!!!!

I can't wait to get out of this freaking country.

I'll be in Fraser for the next two weekends. Shoot me. Please.

I hope I get the other job. $10 per/hour. Yes please!

I'm sure there's more.

For now. Next update in 7 weeks.

<3

a;ksjfwoeivnsal;jf

Wed, 09 May 2007 02:52:55 GMT

I DO NOT GET IT. I just don't get it. :JKLDJSLKJFEOIWVNJDSJFKLAJ"PFJWEOIHJFGOEJVIJNLKJKLJFDWIOVHIOEJKLNJVKLSDJ.

What is wrong with me? I do not get it. I just do not get it.

How does this happen.

I FUCKING GIVE UP. JESUS!

Well, hope you throughly enjoyed not knowing what the fuck I'm typing about.

Enjoy.

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:56:29 GMT

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar
There's nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can't help reaching out for more

Story of my life. Found this...thought it was amazing.

Can't sleep...stupid tonsils. <3